Silly as it sounds, a large part of my wanting to be a teacher came from the Hollywood’s display of admirable dedication to some hopeless cases. And how can I not be? Being a teacher is a prominent way of influencing the other people (specifically, the younger generation).

Even without these facts to consider, I have always been (most unfortunately) eager to help other people with their academia. To the point of being an insufferable know-it-all, perhaps. One thing I wish to change, but well…

And now that I am reaching the end of my study (…a year won’t be a long time, right?), I think I am reaching the point where I come to ask myself: “Do I really want to be a teacher?” The horror! And to think that it has been a life-long passion, that is -most definitely- a very wrong question to ask.

Of course, there is always a choice to become a lecturer. Or better yet, find a scholarship to fly off the country and find a teaching job abroad. Then the patriotism question comes to mind, whether or not I really want to dedicate myself to my country is definitely a more significant factor to consider.

And let me tell you, even with the change and betterment that my nation has made over the past decade, being a teacher is not that great of a choice for living, financially speaking. Unless, of course, one is fortunate enough to teach in a well-off international school in the capital. Or having a prosperous family and/or spouse to support you.

Even without that, I am struck by the challenge of attracting the students to enjoy their learning. Years ago, I had stern teachers who would not hesitate to hit their students with wood ruler. A practice we all disapprove, I believe.

Now? Unless we find a way to integrate the 12-year syllabus into the students’ Nintendo DS, it is a lot of work. So it leads me to sleepless nights, designing, producing, brainstorming, reading, and a whole lot more of works to do.

Nevertheless, it all pays off when you come to the end of the day. Simply to know that you have made a change, even to the smallest thing (“Oh, now I get it!”), is an inexpressible reward.

Whether I’ll be an educator in 2011? That’s still time to decide. For now, nothing can beat the hard-work and prayer for the best. It is, after all, nothing but a state of mind.

The title came from Padhayangan Project song, back in the ’90s.